Day 1 - Communication @ Monday, November 21, 2011

Day 1 - Deportment & Communication
  • Handshakes
  • Introducing People
  • Conversation

1. Begin With an Oral Introduction of Yourself
Before extending your hand (aim for the webs to contact), introduce yourself. Extending your hand should be part of an introduction, not a replacement for using your voice.

1.5 give a firm shake with right hand and use the left hand to touch them on the shoulder or elbow region (optional)

2. Look the person in the eyes - long enough to know what colour their eyes are and SMILE!
look down = shy, nervous and even untrustworthy. Avoiding = done something wrong and feels ashamed/ guilty.

3. Pump Your Hand Only 2-3 Times

4. Shake From Your Elbow

5. Do Not Use a Forceful Grip, but use a firm grip
Imagine you are opening a door handle and use about the same level of grip in your handshake.

soft grip = weak of character or not really interested in the person with whom you are shaking hands.
firm grip = confidence, strength and enthusiasm.
bone crushing grip = arrogance/dominance

6. Avoid Offering a “Fish Hand”.

7. Forget “Lady Fingers”
Extend your entire hand, and be sure to grasp using your entire hand as well. Just fingers is awkward.

One Hand is Better than Two
shake with the right hand
two hands = intrusive, and too personal. It's called the “politician’s shake,” because it appears artificially friendly when used on people you barely know.

Shaking a Sweaty Hand
try not immediately wipe your hands
discretely wipe them on something after you are out of sight, and wash them later.

- the way you shake hands speaks volumes about who you are as a person
- indication of a person’s depth of character, trustworthiness and strength.
- says much more than saying “hello”. says “this is who I am“.

Types of Handshakes

Img from a Allan/Barabra Pease Book.
This img is about dominance.
3rd one is the best cause it's share of power, not dominant or submissive.

Introducing People

The 3 Rules:
1. A man is always presented to a woman first - this means, "Ms x, I'd like you to meet Mr y"
2. Younger person is always presented to an older person. "Mr. Older, may I present Miss Teenager."
3. Business status. Present the person lower stat to higher e.g. "Ms. Boss, may I present our new employee, Bob." (Business is gender neutral)

Starting a Conversation - comes after being self-introduced
X: Hi y, I'm x *shakes hands*
Y: Nice to meet you x, I'm y
X/Y: Topic starter - try for an open ended Q. Note: the weather is only an ok topic if it's random
e.g. So how do you know [the host]?

Starting a Conversation - after being introduced by another
Host: x I'd like you to meet y. Y, x loved [a book/play/topic/film] too

1. Repeat their name right after they say it
2. Use it again at some point
3. Use it a 3rd time when saying goodbye


1. Assume your conversational responsibilities. (if you're the host)
On any guest list, be sure to include one or two friends you can rely on to keep the conversational ball rolling. Ask others of their opinons on the topic to get them involved.
Go around introducing people, but also add something mutual about them to get them talking.
If your party evolves into an assortment of small groups, be that social butterfly that flits from group to group, starting new topics, engaging quiet or shy guests, and finessing the spotlight away from a conversation hog.
If you are a guest, be prepared to follow your hostess' lead. Better still, circulate on your own, joining and talking with everyone present at the party.

2. Starting a Conversation & Have Something Interesting to Say
If lost, ask how they know the host.

Good Topics:
- weather (only of it's random, not seasonal)
- current non-controversal issues
- popular books (no Twilight!)
- music/film
- events (things to do)
- travel

Don't talk about:
- sex (the exception of very close friends)
- politics
- money
- where they're from (not ok most of the time)

3. Develop Creative Listening Skills
listen and take notes of interesting points that bring up questions or comments, when it's your turn to talk - reflective listening
ask Qs or make comments that reflects what they said e.g. "I love x too, I find it so invigerating..."

4. Good Manners of Conversation

a. No Speeches or Monologues.
Ask someone else for his opinion, change the subject, or move from one group to another.

b. No Foreign Languages. - You're in America, speak English!
the exception is if you have a guest who does not speak English. In this instance, you should speak in his or her language and translate for the benefit of others, or speak in English but translate for the guest who does not speak it.

c. No Guest Left Out.
Involve everyone in your group in the conversation. Be sure to include late arrivals by bringing them up-to-date.

d. No Attacks on Anything!
e.g. religion, politics, gay marriage
The exceptions: Twilight & Rebecca Black XD

e. No Strong Statements on Moral or Ethical Questions.
The same reasons hold true here as for rule 4. Nothing should be said in any group which could offend any member of that group.

f. Body Language
  • give the speaker your full attention. though there are exceptions e.g. the speaker is a friend, and you're texting your mom to pick you up
  • leave the phone alone
  • don't play with things, esp lighters and candy wrappers, I'm talking about you jas
  • face the speaker, show interest, lean towards them. positive body lang e.g. no folded arms (unless it's cold), palms up, try not to cross legs
  • psych shows that of you are interacting positively with someone, you tend to unconciously mirror their movements
Edit: Ignore the stupid spacing - it doesn't come up in edit mode.

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