Tingling Tensions @ Thursday, March 08, 2012

The air is stuffy even though it wasn't hot, it's almost disappearing, the air, there's not enough air in here! Tingles in my hands and face, dizzy, my heart is racing, she's laughing at me! everyone's watching... I think I yelled at her. Or maybe I just screamed. The button on the door turns green and beeps, and I grab my bag and bolt out the door, not knowing where I am, or caring, I just needed to get out of there. Almost as soon as I'm out the door, on the platform, I collapse against the fence hysterically crying, unable to stand, while the other commuters ignore me or edge away. 

It all happened so fast, I don't really remember what happened exactly. I suppose I'm lucky to be alive, the last time I had a panic attack I passed out, though that time it was on stage (in the wings) and not anywhere near a train. It's not very clear what happened. I was cleaning my glasses (didn't have time for contacts this morning), and I put them on the seat opposite me. Blank. The next moment a sz16/18 dark haired woman in a black pant suit with big black (round?) sunglasses, was sitting on the glasses, though I didn't notice, and nor did she (O.o, you'd think if you sat on something that wasn't flat you'd realize right?) till I looked everyone and couldn't find them - and then realize she was on them. I got them back somehow. Called someone for the closest optometrist, as the frame was bent. I told the person on the phone that a woman had sat on the glasses, and the woman yells at me, for putting my glasses on the seat in the beginning (it wasn't a peak hour train!). I resist the temptation to slap her, or comment on her size (no offence to anyone of that size, it was just that one woman, driving me crazy) I was close to losing it. I got off the phone. Put on some hand cream, in a psychotic manner, I tried to stop, but couldn't, and it just got worse. 

Somehow I managed to stop crying, and breathe. And I notice that one of the lenses on my glasses is missing, a lady nearby helps me look for it on the platform, but it's not there. The train arrives, I'm ok I think, but not enough to carry on and go to class. Not now that my glasses are broken and I feel like I'm crazy. I think the lens is either still on the train, or on the railway. At the main station the station master helps me find the train, while a paramedic asks me questions and checks my breathing. They found the train and stopped it, the carriage was searched, but they couldn't find the lens. 

Without my glasses/contacts I can't see, instead of going to class I made the 1.5hr trip back to get my contacts. I felt a lot better not being surrounded by people and lots of noises. Crashed, and had a nap. And that was half of Thursdays, leaving at 7.15am, and arriving at college at 2.30pm. With a total of almost 6hrs spent on traveling/at the station wait for the bus.

The 2nd half of Thursday will be in the week recap post - sorry about the order.

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